We’re expanding into something new. Here’s some guidance on the current energy and how to step into what’s next for you.
(If you’re drawn to this, there’s something here for you - no matter when you run across it.)
Season of Surrender
Surrender one big thing and life gets all greedy and wants you to surrender more.
Fine. (Goddamn it.)
I was all proud of myself for releasing the life-will-align-with-my-husband-and-babies-plan again, when life went, “Great! Good job! We’re just getting started!” as it rubbed its hands together like a miser in a Dickens novel faced with a large stack of gold coins.
Really? We’re just getting started, life? I thought we were DONE.
“Nope! Not even a little!”
Life, the universe, and everything can be a brutal task mistress, I tell you what.
Because suddenly I went into expansion panic, into an emotional free-for-all around my intuitive work and money.
Sometimes I just want the earth to stop shifting below my feet. Sometimes I want to stop having to yank all my stability from somewhere deep inside, because my insides are tired.
But the universe thinks my insides are doing just fine, and tells me to keep going.
So much of our ego and safety and self-worth is tangled up with our work and creativity and bank accounts. Unspooling those threads feels destabilizing, even as it allows for stronger foundations to form.
Here’s what I’ve learned as I feel into what’s next for me on this ride of fulfilling my earthly purpose:
Get comfortable being uncomfortable. You’re fine.
Lift your hands off the steering wheel. You’re trying to steer a matchbook car and we’re trying to chauffeur you around in a Bentley.
Stop trying to stuff yourself into a box. There is no box and never was.
Surrender. Everything is so much easier and so much more fun this way, please do it already.
Note to self: Surrender isn’t giving up.
Surrender is trusting that there are other forces at work.
Surrender is sinking into the idea that you don’t need to have all the answers. Or any of them.
If things don’t look the way you want or expect, it’s because room is being made for something better.
Since I don’t know what this moment requires, in terms of my work or my money or my writing or any of the life purpose things up for review right now, I have to soften in and trust myself, trust what I’m shown, trust my guides, and know that there is no such thing as failure.
Know that I am protected and loved and supported, just as we all are.
Whenever I check in lately, I get “write more.” Because my plan was always to spend half my time on my writing and the other half on my intuitive work (energy healings, readings, channeling the guides, etc). Maybe that’s the emotional rumbling I’m feeling. My higher self is shaking me down to remind me of what I was always here to do, and what I’ve forgotten or resisted or found hard lately.
So here’s to room for something better, for all of us. Here’s to surrendering into the arms of peace and joy and love and whatever the fuck is in it for us when we finally let the universe wrest control from our hot little hands.
And to writing more, in whatever form that takes.
Death to Happily Ever After
Happily Ever After has finally been beaten out of me.
It only took forty years and multiple loves, entanglements, mistakes, and Oh-Shit-I’m-Being-Weird-Again situations, but I made it.
It’s not as dire as it may sound to those of us who’ve been raised on Disney movies and romance novels.
The death of Happily Ever After means being able to appreciate each day with someone for what it is, rather than constantly grasping for Is This It? Is this The One? Are there babies and an engagement ring in my future? Will I finally get to update my relationship status on Facebook?
It means enjoying the person for who they are rather than what your relationship might be in the future. It means getting to know someone without mentally redecorating their apartment in case you move in one day.
I don’t think life meant to drag my Happily Ever After into a back alley and shoot it, I think life meant to show me how to surrender. How to take things as they come. How to be present in the moment-to-moment of each experience without regretting the past or grasping for a particular future.
When we love someone, it’s natural to want that love to last forever.
And, really, it does.
If I love you once, I will love you for the duration. A corner of my heart is annexed to you and you get to live there forever, like it or not.
I was joking the other day that I need to expand the physical mass of my heart because it’s running out of corners.
He replied, “Good thing your heart is infinite.”
Our hearts are infinite. There is no limit to the possibilities, up to and including Happily Ever After. Some of us do meet that person and choose to keep showing up and loving them until this mortal coil is shuffled, however imperfect and wounded it feels. Some of us have even mastered enough of this human existence to love with ease and pure joy.
Since I want Happily Right The Eff Now, I’m pulling the plug on Happily Ever After.
Because there is no past, there is no future, and my heart has more corners than I could hope to fill in this lifetime.
Dissolving Fear and Guilt with the Magnificent Fire Chicken
I’m doing youtube lives almost every day now! Energy readings, energy healings, channeled guidance, and all sorts of good things. If you want to be notified when I go live or put up a new video, subscribe here and click the little bell thingy. :)
Sleep
Waking up at 5:30 in the morning instead of 3:30 is a significant triumph these days.
I will take my significant triumphs as they come.
Last night was a blissful pass-out-at-ten, wake-up-at-5:30 experience. When I squinted blearily at the clock, I thought it said 3:30 in the blessed am and I was all set to groan and feel put-upon by life when I realized it was actually 5:30. That’s a decent chunk of all-strung-together sleep. I can work with that.
At 5:30, it’s reasonable to get up. By the time you’re dressed and in your car, coffee shops will be open with brewing beans and warm interiors. Not so at 3:30 am. Get up at 3:30 am and all the coffee shops have to offer is dark doorsteps and sadness.
Sleeping is a weird biological imperative. We spend half our lives drooling and snoring into a pillow. Go without it for awhile and innocent passersby beware. Go without sleep for too long and it’s actually dangerous to our health and sanity.
But it also makes complete sense. Sleep is when our brain gets a true rest. Even if our brain is swimming in the murky subconscious, at least we don’t have to paddle with it. We just vaguely remember something the next morning about being chased through Nordstrom’s by a giant lady bug in roller skates.
Sleep is when we drop out of the fight / flight space our nervous system is so often caught in and allow our bodies to heal. Sleep is when our body repairs itself, when our energy knits itself back together.
Sleep is when our higher selves and guides have a chance to work with us - especially if we ask for it, invite it in. Bypassing the whirl of my brain is one of my higher self’s most dire challenges, I expect. So every night before I go to sleep, I ask my angels to bring me my highest reality. To assist me in whatever I need to call in my highest good.
Then I drift peacefully off, trusting that they’re taking care of me as I snore and drool. Trusting that my body is healing and my energy is shifting so that I can wake up the next morning and step back into whatever it is I’m meant to be doing on this spinning blue marble.
