Why Am I Emotional?

Do you ever feel super emo for no discernible reason?

ME TOO.

I recently had to cry like a toddler whose lollipop was taken away and then get wrapped up like a burrito on the couch to chill me out. I’m fine now (thanks for asking) but my scheduled CEO Monday was less power-suited-whirl-o-motion and more human-burrito-and-snacks.

If this is you too, today or any day … fist bump, friend.

Four Reasons You Might Be Feeling Emotional

1. Human Design

One of the aspects of human design is the emotional center. Your emotional center is either open or closed. (To find out which applies to you, google ‘human design chart’ and enter your birth date and time.)

If your emotional center is open, you have a tendency to take on the emotions of others. You’ll pick up on the emotions being felt around you and feel like those feelings are your own.

(I have an open emotional center and so sometimes when I’m feeling something big … it’s not even mine. So if I do a little clearing or get away from the person who’s having the feelings, boom. So much better.)

Learning to stop taking on other people’s emotions could change your life.

2. The Moon

When in doubt, blame the moon.

The moon changes signs every few days. When the moon is in a fire sign, you’ll have a lot of energy to get things done. When the moon is in an air sign, you may feel a little ungrounded and extra chatty. When the moon is in an earth sign, your focus will be better, especially if you take plenty of breaks.

When the moon is in a water sign, you may feel more emotional. You may also want to rest more.

(I use an app called iLuna to figure out where the moon is on any given day.)

3. Parasites

While a bit gross, learning about parasites was such an epic game changer for me that I would be remiss if I didn’t include it. A lot of people have parasites. It’s a fun little aspect of gut health that I never really thought about until I needed to heal it. Parasites can be picked up in sushi, from pets or pork.

Parasites will eat your soul. Or at least all the happy chemicals that make life worth living.

Fun fact: Parasites are more active around the new moon and the full moon so if you find yourself full of angst for no particular reason at those times, it’s probably worth getting your gut checked.

If it’s determined you have parasites, there are supplements that can help you clean them out. It may be the best thing you ever do for your mood.

4. Sometimes we just feel things.

And that’s okay.

Feeling your feelings as physical sensations without getting all tangled up in the story will help your feelings move up and out.

Meeting the feelings like a friend and giving them some compassion and acceptance is often all they want from us.

xo - Amber

If you’d like more tools to help you feel better, I have something for you!

How To Use the Moon

If you sometimes feel weird and unmoored or exhausted and emotional without knowing why, I have a theory for you:

You’re sensitive to the moon.

We’re deeply connected with the movement of the moon, our planet, and the universe in a way that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough in our culture, unless you happen to follow hashtag moon on Instagram.

If your moods and energetic ups and downs often feel like a mystery, learning about the moon can be deeply supportive.

As a sensitive human and triple Cancer, I feel the moon big time.

When our friend the moon is in void, it can leave me feeling cranky and emotional and unsure of everything in my life. Because I know that the void moon can make an unsuspecting human feel uncertain, I took myself off for some self-care at the chiropractor and the coffeeshop during the last long void moment. (Which worked, until I spilled my coffee all over the front seat of my car.) When the moon came out of void, I immediately felt better.

When in doubt, blame the moon.

(Blaming things on the moon is one of my favorite activities even as I remind myself that I’m an empowered human and fully in charge of my own experience, no matter what the world and universe around me are doing. Recognizing what’s affecting us while also taking full responsibility for our lives is a balancing act.)

Now, the void moon isn’t always going to be a royal snit show of crankiness and questioning everything and spilled coffee. But if you’ve been over-extending yourself, the void moon and the water moon will make that very clear. In fact, that’s one of the only things that will be clear during the void moon - how well you’ve been taking care of yourself.

In order to harness the power of the moon to support yourself, your life, and your dreams, here are some tips:

How To Use The Moon

Working with the energy of the moon and planets deeply supports us in the ebbs and flows of life, especially in a culture that wants us to be flowing always and ebbing never. Moving with the moon supports us in resting and nourishing ourselves as much as it supports us in moving toward our goals and dreams.

Because the moon is so close to the earth compared to the other planets, it changes signs every two to three days. Each week the moon moves through a fire sign, an earth sign, an air sign, and a water sign - in that order. Some signs are best for rest. Some signs are best for getting things done. Some signs are good for chilling out. Each time the moon changes signs, it goes through what we call a void moon. Sometimes the void moon lasts a few minutes, sometimes it lasts an entire day.

Here’s a basic primer on the moon signs:

How to use a fire moon: The fire moon is the time for action. You’ll likely be feeling fiery and raring to go - especially if you rested during the previous water moon. During a fire moon, you will probably feel that zip needed to accomplish things you may have been putting off. If you run a business, it’s a good time to call people to action. It’s a good time to start things, and a good time to make massive progress.

Used wisely, the fire moons are a wonderful ally to your productivity.

How to use an earth moon: After the high energy of the fire moon, the earth moon offers a bit of a respite. The energy dips - you can still be productive, but you’ll want to do so by giving yourself rest and breaks and treats. During the fire moons, you maybe running hither and yon and knocking things off your to-do list left and right.

During earth moons, you can get things done, but you might be happier doing so huddled up in blankets the couch.

How to use an air moon: Air moons offer another rise in energy. You will probably feel chattier during the air moons - it’s a good time to talk, reach out to friends and family, share things on social media, and talk about things that are important to you.

There’s a lot of movement during an air moon, so this is another good time to get things done and move with speed and agility toward what you want.

How to use the water moon: This is a time to take things more slowly. To feel more than do. To rest and go with the flow and take it easy. If you’re in any phase of burnout, you’ll want to rest as much as possible.

If you rest during the water moon, you’ll have the energy you need to take advantage of the fire moon.

How to use the void moon: Don’t start things - especially fights. If you have a business, this is a good time to step back and do things behind the scenes. If you’re tired, this is a good time to rest. Otherwise, void moons are best for taking care of the more mundane aspects of life - laundry, grocery shopping, self-care. Self-care is actually one of the best things to do during this phase - get out into nature, journal, meditate, get a massage, read a book.

However you most enjoy taking care of yourself, doing so at this time can help you avoid feelings of uncertainty or discombobulation.

Using the moon to guide the rhythm of your days and your effort can be a beautiful way to regulate energy, heal or avoid burnout, and create in a way that is deeply aligned with your body.

How to Use the Moon To Rest

If you feel tired in your day-to-day life, if it feels like you’re heading toward burnout, these are the moments to pay attention to and devote to rest and relaxation:

When the moon is void, rest.

When the moon is in a water sign, rest.

When the moon is in its balsamic phase, rest.

Resting can look many different ways. Maybe you have the freedom to plan your time so that you can watch movies and nap during these moments. (Even if you don’t have that freedom, do your best to snatch all the rest you can during the balsamic moon, the three to four days before the new moon.)

Maybe these are the days to go to bed early or to not plan to do anything more than absolutely necessary. Maybe these are the days to tell your brain to take a hike when it natters on about your to-do list.

How I use the moon to manage my life

I love hearing about people use this kind of information in their real lives, rather than just reading the factoids. So here’s how I use the moon:

Before I start to plan my time each week, I take a look at my moon app (I use iLuna). I note what days are in what signs, paying special attention to the void moon. If I have any business-y things to announce or sell, I do it in the fire moon. I note where the water moons live so that if I’m feeling tired, I leave a lot of space to rest and take it easy on those days. If there’s a long void moon, I plan to stay away from work if possible and do life-y things if I have the energy, or rest if I don’t.

I do my best to take the three or four days of the balsamic moon off each month. I keep the balsamic moon phase in my main calendar, so I always know when it’s coming. For years, I would crash for about three days a month and have no idea why, because it didn’t seem to have any rhyme or reason. When I started paying attention to the moon, I realized, “Oh. Balsamic Moon. That’s when I crash.” So now I plan to crash - or at least rest with all my might - and it’s fabulous.

Paying attention to the moon in this way has helped me recover from burnout and use the cycles of my energy properly so that I can live my life in a way that feels good, rather than stressed and harried.

We’re re-learning how to replenish ourselves in a world that practically demands burnout, a world that wants us to be in full bloom all the time. Using the moon to guide your rest and your work is a powerful way to support your life, your work, and your dreams.

xo - Amber

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CoWriting with the Moon

If you’re a writer - or a person who has writing to do on a weekly basis: emails! journaling! sales copy! newsletters! - and would love to play with the phases of the moon in your writing practice, I’d love to have you join us in CoWriting with the Moon!

It’s sacred space to write in community. Dedicated time for your book. Reserved space to batch your content. A place to journal yourself to comfort and answers. Time to plow forward on your works-in-progress.

Whatever writing you want or need to do, this is the place.

“I got more done in this session than in the last two months combined!” - Phoebe

“I finally wrote a scene in a book that I haven’t worked on in months!” - Mikael

“Wow! I got so much accomplished. I will definitely be joining now that I know how fabulous it is.”  - Sarah

How to Cure Writer's Block

I’ve been writing for over twenty years, and I’ve run into virtually every wall a writer can hurl themselves up against. Because writers need to write (or we go a little crazy), I have some ideas to help you avoid that fate.

How to Fix Writer’s Block

Since “Just start writing” is the most aggravating advice ever for any human who’s ever struggled to put words to page, here are five good ways to overcome writer’s block:

1) Set a timer for ten minutes.

Write anything that comes to mind.

Even if it’s just “This will be the worst rough draft in the history of first drafts. This will be the most terrible thing ever written. AND THAT’S OKAY.”

Most of the time, when I start writing utter nonsense without letting myself stop, something cracks loose. Something worthwhile eventually emerges.

When the timer stops, keep going if you’re in the flow. If you’re still struggling, give yourself permission to stop for the day. You showed up, and that’s all the muse requires.

2) Ask yourself what you need.

Are you hungry or thirsty?

Do you need a community of fun writers for support?

Do you need to clear your mind with a walk?

Do you need to journal on something that’s bothering you?

Is there something within you that wants to be seen or healed?

Whatever you need, make it a priority.

Taking care of the writer is taking care of the words.

3) Create a sacred container for your writing.

Blocking off regular time, whether daily or weekly, is the way to get those books written and those writing projects done. When you make writing part of your routine, the inspiration knows when to make an appearance.

Co-Writing with the Moon is a wonderful container for creativity, if you’d like to join us for weekly sacred writing space. Learn more and join here.

4) Write something other than what you planned to write.

If you’re working on a book and stumbling, try writing an email. If you have an important email to write, try writing something funny to a friend first. If your personal essay feels overwhelming, write a short version for instagram. If all else fails, write a haiku about the snail hanging out on your office window.

Get the writing flowing, in any way that feels fun in the moment.

5) Switch venues.

At home? Go to a coffee shop. In bed? Move to your desk. At the office? Take a short walk to shake something loose. On an airplane? You’re not a Charlie’s Angel, so stay put.

6) Get out into nature.

Take a walk, take a hike. Put your feet in the grass. Go visit your neighbor’s rose bushes. Sit under a tree for awhile. Whatever nature is available, get into it.

I hope this was helpful, as you banish your writer’s block!

Lots of love,

Amber

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If you’re looking for accountability, community, and a place to help your creative genius fly, join CoWriting with the Moon! It’s sacred weekly space for your writing. Learn more and join here.

How To Hear Your Intuition

Honestly, I still expect my intuition to sound like a choir of angels or a trumpet from the backseat of a Cadillac convertible.

Sometimes it does. Sometimes I need something with a little heft and a little neon. Sometimes intuition is really clear.

But most of the time, my intuition sounds like most of the other little voices in my head. “Take an umbrella.” “Don’t go to that thing tonight.” “Now that you’ve decided not to go to that thing tonight, do go to that thing tonight. Oh, and you need to leave right now.”

Listening to your intuition, to that little voice in your head that speaks more softly than your doubt, more comfortably than your strident logic, is the learning process of a lifetime.

It can feel muddy. Because the intuition voice often does sound like the other voices. The voices of our parents. Of our teachers. Of friends. Of society. Of people who may or may not know what you need or may or may not have your best interests in mind. Those other internal voices that may be your ego or your logic.

But we can hone our intuition just like we’d hone any other skill: with attention and practice.

How to Hear Your Intuition

Here are two of my favorite ways to strengthen intuition:

1. Quiet your mind.

2. Take note of all the voices and messages that might be intuition.

When we can quiet our brains, allow our spinning thoughts to rest, our intuition comes through more clearly. Because it’s not trying to compete with so many other voices. The more you quiet your brain, the more powerfully your intuition will come through.

Learning to hear and follow your intuition simply requires practice.

One of the things I tell my clients is to write down thoughts they think might be intuition. You don’t have to follow it yet, just take notes. Take note of all those moments that might be intuition. Notice which ones keep repeating themselves. Take note of what happens when you follow that voice that you think might be your intuition, and what happens when you don’t.

Your intention, attention, and practice will help the voice of your intuition become crystal clear.

Viewing intuition as practice - rather than something we either can do or can’t do - is so sweet. We don’t need to be spiritual perfectionists who follow our intuition infallibly. Instead, we’re gathering information. Listening to see how that voice sounds, what it says, how it does and doesn’t sound like the other voices in our heads.

A little practice and you’ll begin distinguishing it with ease.

Last Friday, Brandon’s intuition told him to leave work early. It said, “Go home, you’re not going to get anything else done today.”

He didn’t listen. He let his logic - the voice that says things like “You can’t just leave work early, you need money, slackers leave work early” - override his intuition. Later that night he came home frustrated because, thanks to a confluence of events, he got nothing done and would have been much better served by a nice afternoon at home.

While that doesn’t make for the perfect Friday, it was good information. He heard the voice, he knew it was intuition, he didn’t listen, and he saw what happened. That experience helped build his intuition muscle memory. That experience made it just that much easier to listen and follow the intuitive voice next time.

As we pay attention to what happens when we do listen to our intuition and what happens when we don’t, we start to see and feel how beautifully we’re being guided all day every day.

One more thing to remember about intuition:

Intuition feels no need to be consistent.

Rather than telling you what’s true or what’s “right,” your intuition will tell you what you need to hear.

Which is one of the reasons things can get so confusing.

Me: “But you said not to do that thing tonight?”

Intuition: “Yes, because I didn’t want you to worry about it all day!”

Me: “But now you’re saying I do need to do that thing tonight? And, in order to be on time, I need to leave right now even though I still have to shower?”

Intuition: “Yes! What fun motion and momentum, right?”

Me: [growls] [dives into the shower] [drives into the city and has a great time]

Most importantly, there’s no way to miss what your soul is telling you. There’s no right way to do things and no wrong way to do things. If you miss one message, your soul will send another. If you don’t listen, the messages will get louder.

Eventually, you’ll hear what your soul is telling you. And the more you practice listening to the voice of your intuition and doing what it says (logic and the voice of society bedamned), the faster that process will go. :)

Lots of love,

Amber

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P.S. If you enjoyed this, you’ll love my newsletter! Give it a try here.

P.P.S. If learning to hear your intuition and follow your own internal GPS is something you’d like to explore, I created something to help. Read about it here.

Why I Don't Drink Any More

Title Correction: Why I Try Not To Drink Any More

Before anyone goes all Yoda “do or do not, there is no try” on me, allow me to say this:

Sometimes people have birthdays. It’s a mark of respect to the birthday human to drink with them. Because of this belief,* other people’s birthdays are my downfall. At this point, this is pretty much the only exception. (I’m trying to remember if I drank on my birthday. Oh, yup. I did. Because I am also a human who deserves respect.) (Oh, there was also a little drinking after a family reunion. And during a dinner with friends to thank us for watching their cats. Fine, birthdays are usually the only exception.)

*Like all beliefs, this may or may not be true and may or may not serve me.

All this to say, I celebrated a friend’s birthday on Wednesday and OH HOW IT WAS CELEBRATED. Thursday Amber paid for Wednesday Amber’s choices. It also prompted me toward this topic again, especially in the wake of some effort spent lately trying to understand why I react the way I do in certain situations.

Weird thing about drinking that I’ve noticed for myself: If I am going to drink, it’s far better to do so during the first half of my cycle than the second. Obviously, for my brain and general health never drinking is the best option, more on that in a minute, but in terms of mood and The Regretting of Life Choices, drinking in the follicular and ovulation stages are far better than drinking in the luteal or, heaven forfend, the PMS stage. (PMS is not an official stage, as it turns out. But wow, do I feel it when I drink then.)

Anyway.

To the Reasons I Don’t Do My Best Not To Drink Any More

We have a history of alcoholism in my family. Pretty much all Gen Xers do, right? Because our parents grew up in the 1950s, when drinking was the coping mechanism of choice / the actual only coping mechanism. So many of our parents were raised by alcoholics or, if we don’t want to call them alcoholics, then “people who celebrated the end of the work day with a cocktail or two or seven.”

People raised by alcoholics will have trauma. This is fact.

When you’re raised by an alcoholic, one of two things will probably happen:

1. You will follow the behavior demonstrated to you as a child, and become an alcoholic.

2. You will observe the behavior demonstrated to you as a child, decide you want absolutely no part of that nonsense, and do your utmost NOT to become an alcoholic.

Both of my parents chose Door Number Two. Let’s give them a round of applause, because choosing Door Number Two in those days was basically down to sheer willpower.

Here’s where it gets weird, and this is the part that seems to be less well understood as of yet.

If people have untreated trauma, they will pass it down to their children.

As far as I can tell, this is the only explanation for me and how I am.

According to the mental health professionals at Kaiser, I have cPTSD.

There is no real reason for me to have PTSD, aside from the fact that I have a super sensitive nervous system. I had a nice childhood - well-loved, secure, opportunities like piano lessons (which I did not appreciate) and the college of my choice (which I did). I was also lucky to never experience violence or accidents or war, or any of the other things the traditional trauma model recognizes.

Privilege plus luck does not equal PTSD. Except when it does.

I’ve also lived a life. Breakups, sudden moves, a miscarriage, getting fired from jobs, financial instability. As we’re coming to understand trauma, or at least what I call subtle trauma, these things contribute. But my symptoms seem to pre-date any of these experiences I had as an adult. It’s even possible that they contributed.

To be clear, this is not to blame my parents or my childhood for anything or to avoid taking responsibility. It’s to illustrate that things are considerably less clear cut than most of us have been led to believe, especially when it comes to family systems and what we inherit from our parents and previous generations.

I have a great deal of respect for my parents, I believe they did an extraordinary job with what they had and made big leaps within one generation. My father especially took a truly traumatic and often terrible childhood and turned it around as best he could for his children and for his younger siblings. Sure, a therapist could (and did) say a lot of things about him, but I think he and my mother both did a great job, all things considered.

Here’s the thing:

Untreated trauma gets passed on to the next generation. I believe I have PTSD because my parents did, because they grew up with alcoholic fathers, and had to muscle through because the late twentieth century didn’t have the tools that we do in the early twenty-first. I suspect they didn’t know they had trauma. Even if they suspected, they wouldn’t have had the tools to treat it.

We have the tools now, but they’re often hard to come by. Mental health coverage within most insurance plans is sketchy at best. Going private is often much more effective (oh, the things I would spend lots of money on), but is inaccessible to all but the top few. By all measurements, I’m in a tip top percentage of lucky humans and a lot of what I need is currently inaccessible to me. This is why I end up in the etheric healing realms. BECAUSE THEY ARE FREE. (Ha!) But that’s a rant for another day.

Because I have a family history of alcoholism, my genes are constantly trying to lure me in that direction. This is where my extra sensitive nervous system is a help and a hindrance. It’s a help because I know when I’m starting to go a bit too far down the alcohol path. It’s a visceral feeling and an intuitive knowing. It’s a hindrance because when your nervous system is overwhelmed or totally shot, you veer in the direction of numbing - sugar, television, alcohol, drugs. (I have never allowed myself to go anywhere near drugs for this very reason. I cannot be trusted. Or at least my delicate peony nervous system can’t be.)

Why I Do my best to drink as little as possible:

Alcohol does bad things to your brain.

Alcohol screws with your gut, which is your second brain.

Both of those facts mean that alcohol can really affect your mood and life.

And…alcoholics in a family can seriously mess with that family, down through every generation until it’s dealt with.

I’m the generation that has to deal with it, and frankly it’s a pain in my ass.

Healing PTSD is a thing. Being vigilant about any kind of alcohol consumption is a thing. Learning how to feel what I learned early to repress is a thing. Learning how to soothe myself and not make any lasting decisions while in an activation loop is a thing. Learning how to not react the way I really want to react is a thing. Learning how to heal things that aren’t mine but have been passed down through my family line, from my parents’ generation to many generations before that, is a thing.

THERE ARE JUST SO MANY THINGS.

When I have a drink, even just one, my mood and thought patterns and decision-making ability will be adversely affected for at least three days. My partner and I are more likely to fight, and that fight is more likely to not go well.

(This is a little less likely to happen in the first half of my cycle and almost certain to happen in the second half of my cycle, which I find fascinating.)

Essentially, alcohol fucks with my health - mental, physical, and emotional - and it does my life zero favors. Except when I’m dancing in the back of a car in San Francisco on the way to a birthday dinner in that sweet moment of buzz hours before the repercussions begin. That’s the moment people drink for and, yes, it is fun.

Alcohol is a coping mechanism, pure and simple, in a world where coping is far more available than real healing.

If I have any mission in life, helping the shift from coping to healing is probably it. But I’m still trying to get my own house in order, healing my own shit and doing the healing for my family that has apparently been assigned to me and trying not to make too many messes in the meantime. Maybe the only way I can help the world in this is by helping myself.

If you’ve been wondering why you seem to have a lot of trauma and you’re not sure why, you aren’t alone. If you’ve been noticing that alcohol fucks with your week or your life, that you’re not alone.

If you’re keeping an eagle eye on your substances because things go way south when you don’t, fist bump. If you’re healing things from your family, fist bump. If you’re healing your own things, fist bump.

If you’re excited for the moment when coping shifts to healing shifts to thriving… me too, friend.

xo - Amber