As a youngster, I was famous for my tantrums. If life didn’t look the way I thought it should - if my socks were wrinkled, if a brother who wanted to play with my toys suddenly appeared, if I got a guinea pig instead of a dog - I lost my ever-loving mind.
I thought I’d grown out of that, but even as a 46-year-old, if I get triggered hard enough, I am capable of absolutely losing it.
We could chalk this unfortunate tendency up to a few things:
Neurodivergence:
While I haven’t gotten a formal diagnosis, I seem to be one of those people who need a great deal of freedom but also structure, who feel things very deeply without always knowing how to express it, who gets wildly overwhelmed in social situations to the point of fleeing if enough tricky things happen in a loud space.
Interestingly, a lot of tendencies can also be explained by my…
Human design:
Who else out there has an open emotional (solar plexus) center? As someone who has been surrounded by suppressed angry people my whole life, this one is a real treat. Most of my rage has been absorbed from someone else and learning how to not do that - so far, my best plan is literally to flee so I can get as far away from their rage volcano as possible, thereby not feeling it as if it were my rage volcano any more. Fight / flight is a big thing for people with open emotional centers, and I’ve spent my forties reaping the rewards of lifelong adrenal taxation. As with anything named “tax”, it’s not at all fun.
ASTROLOGY:
Apparently, Cancers are in their villain era right now and I. Am. Feeling. That.
All this to say, I have had a couple of emotional meltdowns already this year. I did not have “losing my shit twice in one week” on my 2025 bingo card.
When I’m in a deeply triggered state, there’s not a whole lot I can do except breathe. Square breathing is a lifesaver in those moments: breathe in for 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4. It helps regulate me somewhat, and is much healthier than breaking things. I will genuinely think that I’m over this kind of reaction, because it won’t happen for months or years, and then hello, my old friend.
So the best thing I can do is 1) give my body what it needs (food, shower, rest, comfort TV), 2) not make any major decisions from this state, 3) work on healing and practicing better coping habits when I feel better.
If you also find yourself in a rage from time to time, I feel you. It’s okay. We aren’t terrible people. This world is just a lot, especially if you have a - shall we say - finely tuned nervous system.
Lots of love,
Amber