How To Feel Your Feelings

I still don’t know what to do with feelings. I can admit it.

At 45 years old, I still don’t entirely know what to do with feelings, even though “knowing what to do with feelings” is part of my actual job description.

We all contain multitudes.

The problem with feelings - especially if you are the brand of human who has big ones - is that they can be inconvenient. It’s hard to tackle your to-do list in the midst of quivering rage.

This is an actual response I got to a newsletter workshop I did last month: “Your superpower is noticing the feelings around things, working with them, and clearing them.”

AND YET I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO WITH MY OWN ANGER AND DISAPPOINTMENT.

Aside from write a blog post and yell about it in all caps, I mean.

Also, this isn’t entirely true.

I spend a lot of time working with my own guidance and intuition - you kinda have to, when the way other people do things never seems to work for you (being a trailblazer is all fun and games until you realize you literally have to carve your own path out of the wilderness because WTF is everyone else doing?) - and this morning’s message from my intuition was to feel my anger and disappointment.

Cue: getting nothing else done. Thanks, intuition. My to-do list is mad at you.

How To Feel Your Feelings

According to me and the way I feel my feelings. Please comment with better ideas.

1. Admit that you have a feeling and should probably acknowledge it, before it crawls into your spleen, gets a mortgage, and never leaves.

2. Notice where that feeling is in your body and breathing with it.

3. Tell your partner you have The Feelings. Demand several hugs.

4. Sharpen a pencil and write three pages about your feelings, even though you start scribbling and making a mess at half a page in.

5. Shake it out like a kid having a tantrum when it starts feeling like too much.

6. Ask the ether for help and support.

7. Cry a little.

8. Get back to your to-do list.

We could sit here and pathologize my difficulty with feelings until the proverbial cows come home. Of note, the cows are not actually proverbial, because I live in Sonoma County, California (known for happy cows and also lots of chickens), and I can see cows on the hillside from my office window.

Or I could just accept that something about my nervous system, genetic makeup, and life has made feelings a bit of challenge for me, and continue doing the best I can.

It’s all any of us can do.

I will conclude by saying, Let yourself feel your feelings. Talking to the feelings, letting them out, breathing through them, asking them for messages will help you feel lighter and happier. The more you let your feelings breathe, the better you feel.

xo - Amber

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I made a thing to help you tap into your sensitive superpowers and feel better!

How To Use the Moon

If you sometimes feel weird and unmoored or exhausted and emotional without knowing why, I have a theory for you:

You’re sensitive to the moon.

We’re deeply connected with the movement of the moon, our planet, and the universe in a way that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough in our culture, unless you happen to follow hashtag moon on Instagram.

If your moods and energetic ups and downs often feel like a mystery, learning about the moon can be deeply supportive.

As a sensitive human and triple Cancer, I feel the moon big time.

When our friend the moon is in void, it can leave me feeling cranky and emotional and unsure of everything in my life. Because I know that the void moon can make an unsuspecting human feel uncertain, I took myself off for some self-care at the chiropractor and the coffeeshop during the last long void moment. (Which worked, until I spilled my coffee all over the front seat of my car.) When the moon came out of void, I immediately felt better.

When in doubt, blame the moon.

(Blaming things on the moon is one of my favorite activities even as I remind myself that I’m an empowered human and fully in charge of my own experience, no matter what the world and universe around me are doing. Recognizing what’s affecting us while also taking full responsibility for our lives is a balancing act.)

Now, the void moon isn’t always going to be a royal snit show of crankiness and questioning everything and spilled coffee. But if you’ve been over-extending yourself, the void moon and the water moon will make that very clear. In fact, that’s one of the only things that will be clear during the void moon - how well you’ve been taking care of yourself.

In order to harness the power of the moon to support yourself, your life, and your dreams, here are some tips:

How To Use The Moon

Working with the energy of the moon and planets deeply supports us in the ebbs and flows of life, especially in a culture that wants us to be flowing always and ebbing never. Moving with the moon supports us in resting and nourishing ourselves as much as it supports us in moving toward our goals and dreams.

Because the moon is so close to the earth compared to the other planets, it changes signs every two to three days. Each week the moon moves through a fire sign, an earth sign, an air sign, and a water sign - in that order. Some signs are best for rest. Some signs are best for getting things done. Some signs are good for chilling out. Each time the moon changes signs, it goes through what we call a void moon. Sometimes the void moon lasts a few minutes, sometimes it lasts an entire day.

Here’s a basic primer on the moon signs:

How to use a fire moon: The fire moon is the time for action. You’ll likely be feeling fiery and raring to go - especially if you rested during the previous water moon. During a fire moon, you will probably feel that zip needed to accomplish things you may have been putting off. If you run a business, it’s a good time to call people to action. It’s a good time to start things, and a good time to make massive progress.

Used wisely, the fire moons are a wonderful ally to your productivity.

How to use an earth moon: After the high energy of the fire moon, the earth moon offers a bit of a respite. The energy dips - you can still be productive, but you’ll want to do so by giving yourself rest and breaks and treats. During the fire moons, you maybe running hither and yon and knocking things off your to-do list left and right.

During earth moons, you can get things done, but you might be happier doing so huddled up in blankets the couch.

How to use an air moon: Air moons offer another rise in energy. You will probably feel chattier during the air moons - it’s a good time to talk, reach out to friends and family, share things on social media, and talk about things that are important to you.

There’s a lot of movement during an air moon, so this is another good time to get things done and move with speed and agility toward what you want.

How to use the water moon: This is a time to take things more slowly. To feel more than do. To rest and go with the flow and take it easy. If you’re in any phase of burnout, you’ll want to rest as much as possible.

If you rest during the water moon, you’ll have the energy you need to take advantage of the fire moon.

How to use the void moon: Don’t start things - especially fights. If you have a business, this is a good time to step back and do things behind the scenes. If you’re tired, this is a good time to rest. Otherwise, void moons are best for taking care of the more mundane aspects of life - laundry, grocery shopping, self-care. Self-care is actually one of the best things to do during this phase - get out into nature, journal, meditate, get a massage, read a book.

However you most enjoy taking care of yourself, doing so at this time can help you avoid feelings of uncertainty or discombobulation.

Using the moon to guide the rhythm of your days and your effort can be a beautiful way to regulate energy, heal or avoid burnout, and create in a way that is deeply aligned with your body.

How to Use the Moon To Rest

If you feel tired in your day-to-day life, if it feels like you’re heading toward burnout, these are the moments to pay attention to and devote to rest and relaxation:

When the moon is void, rest.

When the moon is in a water sign, rest.

When the moon is in its balsamic phase, rest.

Resting can look many different ways. Maybe you have the freedom to plan your time so that you can watch movies and nap during these moments. (Even if you don’t have that freedom, do your best to snatch all the rest you can during the balsamic moon, the three to four days before the new moon.)

Maybe these are the days to go to bed early or to not plan to do anything more than absolutely necessary. Maybe these are the days to tell your brain to take a hike when it natters on about your to-do list.

How I use the moon to manage my life

I love hearing about people use this kind of information in their real lives, rather than just reading the factoids. So here’s how I use the moon:

Before I start to plan my time each week, I take a look at my moon app (I use iLuna). I note what days are in what signs, paying special attention to the void moon. If I have any business-y things to announce or sell, I do it in the fire moon. I note where the water moons live so that if I’m feeling tired, I leave a lot of space to rest and take it easy on those days. If there’s a long void moon, I plan to stay away from work if possible and do life-y things if I have the energy, or rest if I don’t.

I do my best to take the three or four days of the balsamic moon off each month. I keep the balsamic moon phase in my main calendar, so I always know when it’s coming. For years, I would crash for about three days a month and have no idea why, because it didn’t seem to have any rhyme or reason. When I started paying attention to the moon, I realized, “Oh. Balsamic Moon. That’s when I crash.” So now I plan to crash - or at least rest with all my might - and it’s fabulous.

Paying attention to the moon in this way has helped me recover from burnout and use the cycles of my energy properly so that I can live my life in a way that feels good, rather than stressed and harried.

We’re re-learning how to replenish ourselves in a world that practically demands burnout, a world that wants us to be in full bloom all the time. Using the moon to guide your rest and your work is a powerful way to support your life, your work, and your dreams.

xo - Amber

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CoWriting with the Moon

If you’re a writer - or a person who has writing to do on a weekly basis: emails! journaling! sales copy! newsletters! - and would love to play with the phases of the moon in your writing practice, I’d love to have you join us in CoWriting with the Moon!

It’s sacred space to write in community. Dedicated time for your book. Reserved space to batch your content. A place to journal yourself to comfort and answers. Time to plow forward on your works-in-progress.

Whatever writing you want or need to do, this is the place.

“I got more done in this session than in the last two months combined!” - Phoebe

“I finally wrote a scene in a book that I haven’t worked on in months!” - Mikael

“Wow! I got so much accomplished. I will definitely be joining now that I know how fabulous it is.”  - Sarah

How To Hear Your Intuition

Honestly, I still expect my intuition to sound like a choir of angels or a trumpet from the backseat of a Cadillac convertible.

Sometimes it does. Sometimes I need something with a little heft and a little neon. Sometimes intuition is really clear.

But most of the time, my intuition sounds like most of the other little voices in my head. “Take an umbrella.” “Don’t go to that thing tonight.” “Now that you’ve decided not to go to that thing tonight, do go to that thing tonight. Oh, and you need to leave right now.”

Listening to your intuition, to that little voice in your head that speaks more softly than your doubt, more comfortably than your strident logic, is the learning process of a lifetime.

It can feel muddy. Because the intuition voice often does sound like the other voices. The voices of our parents. Of our teachers. Of friends. Of society. Of people who may or may not know what you need or may or may not have your best interests in mind. Those other internal voices that may be your ego or your logic.

But we can hone our intuition just like we’d hone any other skill: with attention and practice.

How to Hear Your Intuition

Here are two of my favorite ways to strengthen intuition:

1. Quiet your mind.

2. Take note of all the voices and messages that might be intuition.

When we can quiet our brains, allow our spinning thoughts to rest, our intuition comes through more clearly. Because it’s not trying to compete with so many other voices. The more you quiet your brain, the more powerfully your intuition will come through.

Learning to hear and follow your intuition simply requires practice.

One of the things I tell my clients is to write down thoughts they think might be intuition. You don’t have to follow it yet, just take notes. Take note of all those moments that might be intuition. Notice which ones keep repeating themselves. Take note of what happens when you follow that voice that you think might be your intuition, and what happens when you don’t.

Your intention, attention, and practice will help the voice of your intuition become crystal clear.

Viewing intuition as practice - rather than something we either can do or can’t do - is so sweet. We don’t need to be spiritual perfectionists who follow our intuition infallibly. Instead, we’re gathering information. Listening to see how that voice sounds, what it says, how it does and doesn’t sound like the other voices in our heads.

A little practice and you’ll begin distinguishing it with ease.

Last Friday, Brandon’s intuition told him to leave work early. It said, “Go home, you’re not going to get anything else done today.”

He didn’t listen. He let his logic - the voice that says things like “You can’t just leave work early, you need money, slackers leave work early” - override his intuition. Later that night he came home frustrated because, thanks to a confluence of events, he got nothing done and would have been much better served by a nice afternoon at home.

While that doesn’t make for the perfect Friday, it was good information. He heard the voice, he knew it was intuition, he didn’t listen, and he saw what happened. That experience helped build his intuition muscle memory. That experience made it just that much easier to listen and follow the intuitive voice next time.

As we pay attention to what happens when we do listen to our intuition and what happens when we don’t, we start to see and feel how beautifully we’re being guided all day every day.

One more thing to remember about intuition:

Intuition feels no need to be consistent.

Rather than telling you what’s true or what’s “right,” your intuition will tell you what you need to hear.

Which is one of the reasons things can get so confusing.

Me: “But you said not to do that thing tonight?”

Intuition: “Yes, because I didn’t want you to worry about it all day!”

Me: “But now you’re saying I do need to do that thing tonight? And, in order to be on time, I need to leave right now even though I still have to shower?”

Intuition: “Yes! What fun motion and momentum, right?”

Me: [growls] [dives into the shower] [drives into the city and has a great time]

Most importantly, there’s no way to miss what your soul is telling you. There’s no right way to do things and no wrong way to do things. If you miss one message, your soul will send another. If you don’t listen, the messages will get louder.

Eventually, you’ll hear what your soul is telling you. And the more you practice listening to the voice of your intuition and doing what it says (logic and the voice of society bedamned), the faster that process will go. :)

Lots of love,

Amber

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P.S. If you enjoyed this, you’ll love my newsletter! Give it a try here.

P.P.S. If learning to hear your intuition and follow your own internal GPS is something you’d like to explore, I created something to help. Read about it here.

The Many and Varied Uses of Imaginary Jellybeans

I’m not sure how to tell this story without sounding crazy, but if I worried about sounding crazy I'd never open my mouth. So here we go.

On Sunday, I was hiking. It was a beautiful day, with a view of the ocean, verdant valleys, and happy cows (also peeing cows) dotting the hills beside the trail. I wasn’t having any of it. I was tired, I was cranky, and I wasn’t interested in anything related to living life at that time.

As I trudged up and down hike-related peaks and valleys, I finally got over myself enough to ask “How can I have a better time than I’m currently having?” Because I finally remembered that I do have some element of control over how I live my life. Maybe I can’t control the peeing cow, but I can certainly control how much I enjoy this actually very nice Sunday situation in which I find myself.

(Very nice Sunday situation.)

So I asked “How can this [general hand wave in the direction of life] feel better?”

Nothing happened. Because I was cranky, I didn’t really expect it to.

But as I focused on not thinking thoughts and instead on enjoying the view and the way the air felt on my skin, I started to shift out of crankiness and into neutrality and then some semblance of pleasure.

After a bit more plodding through the landscape, something opened up. Maybe I stumbled through a fairy glen or my whimsical brand of imagination fired up or guidance stepped in, I can’t say. And it doesn’t really matter. As I was walking, I got handed a silver basket full of jellybeans. Not the grocery store-corn syrup-red dye number death brand of jellybeans. These were fairy jellybeans. Some were midnight blue speckled with silver stars. Some were that particular turquoise of tropical island ocean. Some were peony pink. And I heard, “You can eat this one for calmness, this one for joy, this one to fall asleep, this one for more money, this one for creative inspiration, this one for delight,” and so on.

So I chose the imaginary jellybean that would help me get over myself and start enjoying my Sunday afternoon hike. I imagined eating it, and the fairy jellybean energy filling me up. It wasn’t like a miracle bean, where suddenly I was skipping through the hills and thrilled with life. But by the end of the hike, I was feeling much better. The day shifted into something absolutely lovely, including my favorite pizza and a really nice glass of wine that I got to drink in the sun. My week since has been significantly better than the week previous.

My point is, whether you believe in angelic support or guidance or your inner wisdom or the support of the universe or the power of your imagination, you always have access to a shift in perspective. You can always adjust how you view and experience things - all you have to do is ask, and trust that the answer will come. Whether that answer comes in the form of a silver basket filled with magic fairy jellybeans or something more prosaic doesn’t matter.

Your imagination is the portal to a better experience. So this is me reminding myself - and you, if that’s helpful - to use it wisely.

Work To Do

Nothing like a global pandemic, human hooliganism, and rampant uncertainty to make you feel powerless. While also reminding us that all we can ever do is pay attention to this moment, and do our best to positively effect moments to come.

Questions I keep asking myself:

1. How can I take care of myself in this moment?

2. How can I help today?

This is what we can do now: Take some small action to either help ourselves or help others, while remembering that helping yourself helps others and helping others helps you. (Well-played, universe!)

Big change wants to happen. Big change in the world and big change for each of us individually.

I’ve been feeling the big change breathing down my neck for years - especially around the summer solstice. For some reason late June is always when I take a good hard look at my life - and occasionally blow something sky high.

Right now, it feels like everything in my life is up for grabs. Where I live, who I spend my time with, what my life will look like from here. It’s unsettling, but it also forces me to do my work. Spend time really checking in to see where my soul wants me to go from here, heal anything left unresolved so the same patterns don’t keep repeating, take care of my health - mental, physical, emotional, and energetic - so I have the ability and strength to do whatever needs to be done.

I have a lot of work to do. The world has a lot of work to do.

It can be hard to do that kind of work when we’re all so tired. So self-care has become more important than ever, just when it feels the least possible or the most selfish. But that is when devoted self-care becomes imperative. Resting, taking time for yourself, time to do whatever nurtures you and makes you happy. This is on longer optional. Because 2020 is not letting up and we need to meet it as best we can from a space of being filled to the brim, not depleted AF.

We need to trust ourselves and trust the course of our lives. Which, again, feels like one of the hardest things to do, especially now.

So this is my new mantra, one that I may need to tattoo on my forearm so I don’t keep forgetting: