Yesterday, I got some scary-ass guidance.
It happened right here on this ridiculously pretty California beach, as I sat on the sand in my favorite place to get answers.
I've been getting - and ignoring - a few messages for months. Since I'm also getting close to falling off the burn-out cliff, which would force the issue, I'm doing my best to pay attention.
Guidance: Take a month off.
Brain: I would love to, but I can’t afford it.
Heart: Take a month off.
Brain: Yeah, but money. MONEY IS A THING, YOU KNOW.
Guidance: You are not to worry about money.
Brain: EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, LIVING IN THE ETHER WHERE YOU DON’T HAVE TO PAY RENT OR BUY ORANGES.
Guidance: You don’t have to buy oranges either.
Brain: But I like oranges.
Guidance [sounding put-upon]: We’re getting off track again.
Taking a month off feels like both a soul sigh of relief (the feeling I always tell my clients to follow) and a red-alert-panic-button-you-gonna-be-homeless-crazy-lady alarm.
Now, I wouldn’t take it completely off. I’ll still be working with my current clients and groups and anyone who knocks on my door.
But I won't be searching anyone out. I won't be launching, sharing, marketing, newsletter-ing, or posting things of the Amber-Is-Sorta-Inspirational-(?)-But-Mostly-She-Seems-To-Be-Talking-About-Monkeys-Again oeuvre on instagram.
Not trying to make money, when humans do actually need money, would be full-blown surrender.
I would be required to trust the universe to send me what I need to be able to keep my house and my car and my oranges. Trust in myself and what I’ve already done, trust in my shaky nervous system not to go crazy with fear.
I’m not 100% sure I have it in me.
I've been getting guided to write more and take a month off for ages - and just haven't done it. Because, fear. Also: possible homeless and orangeless...ness.
But I can't keep touting "follow your guidance! follow your guidance!" to the world at large if I don't follow my own goddamn advice.
What if I did just follow my intuition and stopped doing things that drain me and just did things I love? What would happen?
We’re about to find out.